5 THINGS YOU SHOULD KNOW BEFORE GETTING A DIVORCE
FOR MOST PEOPLE GETTING A DIVORCE IS NOT A SPUR-OF-THE-MOMENT DECISION. IN MOST CASES THE TROUBLE STARTED LONG BEFORE AND A DIVORCE IS SEEN AS THE FINAL OPTION AFTER ALL OTHER RECOURSES HAVE FAILED.
But when asking divorcees their opinions on the process, you would be surprised to learn that some of them regret their decision to get a divorce. Others will warn you that there are important things you might not think of prior to starting divorce proceedings, but that you will wish you had known going into the divorce.
For this reason, we’ve compiled a list of five things you should know before getting a divorce, so you can better prepare yourself for what is to come. Divorces are hard – believe it or not, they are even hard for the person who requested the separation. Read the list below and use it to help you prepare yourself for what lies ahead.
YOU ARE GOING TO BE EMOTIONAL
If you think “emotional” refers only to sadness and crying, think again. Whether you feel an untempered rage or a feeling of powerlessness at the situation; these are all emotional reactions and they can all cloud your judgment. The dissolution of a marriage will never be quite the same or as neutral as a business deal – there will always be feelings involved. You loved this person, you were vulnerable towards this person and now you feel the need to protect yourself. Don’t let these emotions control your reactions. Acknowledge their existence; make allowance for the fact that you are going to experience emotions that you will need time to sort through and to heal from this ordeal. But don’t bring these feelings to the negotiating table when discussing custody of children or division of assets – lack of emotional control won’t make your bargaining position any stronger.
YOU ARE GOING TO LOSE SOME FRIENDS
Strange as it sounds, you might find that some of your couple friends will act as if divorce is contagious and avoid being around you. Other friends will choose sides. And yet another group will try to stay friends, but will eventually lose touch with what exactly you’re going through. If you suddenly find yourself in a new role as a single mother, you might find that initially, other women would be protective and supportive, but that eventually they just don’t have the same priorities you have. They might find it difficult to understand why you can’t go on extended holidays with them, but not realize that as a sole-breadwinner you’ve had to take on extra work. Make sure you have a solid support system with friends you can truly rely on in place before starting divorce proceedings.
HOLIDAYS ARE GOING TO BE DIFFERENT
Besides the fact that you might have the kids with you every other Christmas, you might also have to face the fact that in the years that you don’t have them you will be alone. It is therefore advisable that you don’t let major holidays or events sneak up on you without planning your activities in advance. If you do not like being along over Christmas, ask your extended family or friends if you could tag along with their celebrations. Now is not the time to be shy – you need to surround yourself with people who will help you forget that the life you knew before is gone. Make a new beginning, start new traditions, and don’t be scared to try doing things differently. The key is to be prepared – to know that hard times are bound to show up at your door, but that you will be all right.
THERE ARE NO WINNERS IN A DIVORCE
Everyone that’s ever been through a divorce will tell you, both parties need to show up ready to negotiate, compromise, and concede. It is not advisable to approach the negotiations with any spitefulness or resentment and never lie about your assets as this creates an atmosphere of mistrust. The dissolution of a marriage is painful for everyone involved – especially if there are children involved – so there really are no winners. And besides, no one gets everything they want in a divorce. So rather approach the situation ready to make decisions that will enable you to carry on with your life as comfortably as possible afterward.
GOING TO COURT IS NOT THE ANSWERFighting a long and bitter divorce battle in court is not only the equivalent of putting yourself through emotional torture; it’s not worth the disruption it causes to your daily routine or the money it will cost you in the long run. It is highly recommended to calmly negotiate with your partner and to work towards getting an uncontested divorce. Modern technology makes the process even more convenient with online divorce being a reliable and less intrusive option.
WHAT PEOPLE SAY
“I RECEIVED PROFESSIONAL SERVICE AND
WILL DEFINITELY REFER YOU TO MY
FRIENDS AND FAMILY.”
- YOLANDA LEMMER -